I had a dream last night. It was a scary dream. Those types that wake you up because it was such an unsettling event in your head. It was a dream that most people would liken to a nightmare - like any dream involving death in the family.
Believe me, it would indeed be a nightmare dreaming of death knowing that there has been several in the family these past years, and almost every year.
Dreams that involve death creates worries both in the experiencing and perceiving selves that unsettle the stability of how one currently manages his emotional state.
The inability to process or understand the meaning of dreams such as those that have deaths in it, especially for those who are superstitious and believe dreams to be omens of the what's to come (sometimes they are - for clairvoyant people), becomes a source of emotional stress that is difficult to manage.
Start of dream.
My mother has died apparently and I was told about it by a colleague or a friend (I could not put a face as to who, but certainly a person I either work with everyday or a friend - who could be both), who was apparently conveying his condolences. I was surprised that I did not know.
So I called my sisters and my brother and in the dream, they too confirmed that they came to know about it from others. I was vividly remembering that I was worried about the news. But I was not particularly sure of its certainty.
I decided to check and went to my family's ancestral home, where my parents stay, to see for myself. But then, I was pleasantly relieved to see my mother casually greeting me by the doorstep. End of dream.
The dream initially scared the shit out of me this morning that I immediately called my mother. Of course, I did not tell her about the dream. We had our usual conversation of how she is and also papa, and their state of health. She said they are fine and ask me the same. We went on discussing briefly how our other loved ones are doing and I ended the call shortly afterwards. But I was a bit calmer already.
I knew by then that my dream was not about an omen of another death in the family. (Though my worry lingered on for a while - knowing that my parents are old and frail and not as physically strong as they used to be .)
Thankfully, I do remember my lessons in Dream Interpretation from my mentor Dr. Eduardo Morato, during my MBA days in the Asian Institute of Management. I was able to process the dream quickly right after.
The dream was actually symbolical of my the state of limbo that I am currently in, here in office. In December, I have been released from my current unit to transfer to another unit in the company. I am to be based in an European country. I have turned over my responsibilities to another person in the first week of January and was waiting for the formalities of the transfer papers to come.
My stint was supposed to start this month, but due to bureaucratic processes that have delayed the formalization of my transfer, I am now sitting in office with no formal role and responsibility. While it seems a pleasant situation being free of the usual stress in the work place, going to office these past 2 weeks is becoming a very uncomfortable experience. Here I am trying my best to be busy and being involved as much as possible in relevant conversations and work, just to keep my sanity in check and feel wanted or useful.
But as days go by - I have to contend with incessant inquiries from friends and colleagues - asking on when I am starting in my new role and when am I relocating.
Such inquiries are causing me some discomfort being unable to reply on a date as nobody seems to be able to advise me from my company's vendor on how long it will take for my work permit to be processed. 1-2 months is what they say, which for me is a painfully long wait especially when you have nothing to do and there are plans (i.e. when are the kids going to quit schools and transfer, how and when do we rent out the house, etc.) that are on hold because of the uncertainty.
My Interpretation of this Dream
The
mother represented by my subconscious, I believe, is my unit in the company. Her death represents the confirmation of my release from my role and responsibility.
Learning the "news of death" from a colleague and "conveying condolences" seems to relate to the last few days of my actual interactions with colleagues who have started to direct their usual requests for approval and help to my replacement instead of me. It was sort of a confirmation of the death of the responsibilities and roles that I have in my unit.
While I should expect that as I was the one who formalized the turn over of responsibilities and notified people in the unit, I was still
"surprised" to experience it.
My mother being
"in the house, alive and not gone and acknowledging me" , I believe, is actually also reference to my colleagues providing me their usual accommodation and recognition that I am still part of the unit and hence, are ok to continuously involve me in telecom work conversations. This was symbolized by the "
casual greeting" of the mother - as the unit represented by colleagues.
As I process this dream and understand the symbolisms that my subconscious convey to my rational self in the waking world, I can only hope for better news to come so I can have nicer dreams ... :-)
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