Compass

I was having a casual chat with a colleague over lunch one day, when he popped this question.

"Have you always been aware of what you want to do with your career since you started work?"

I paused a moment and for a few seconds, i debated in my head whether should the question be - do I actually know what I want to do in life? instead of the one he asked. Then, I acquiesced by pointing out that it was only about 5 years ago did I actually start convincing myself what i want to have in life, but not really about what to do in between that end point and then.

My point being is that I know now what i want to posses towards mid-life (50s please). It's actually 3 things or 3 basic states for that matter (nothing spectacular really!). One state is when my 2 kids have finished their chosen degrees from an Ivy League school and provided for them a comfortable headstart in making it on their own. Second being having expanded my existing retail businesses and successfully operating these. The third being, my wife and I possessing enough wealth to live our remaining lives comfortably in the suburbs of Manila near an owned-farm of fruit-bearing trees and being able to travel overseas for leisure every other month.

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How am i going to get to that state is one thing that i am unsure.

I was reflecting and sharing with my colleague that in the years that I have worked, especially with that bank that i worked for the longest time, I never really had that burning desire about becoming the next CEO in X number of years or setting a target of how much money i should be getting in X number of months. It is not that i did not have any ambition for upward mobility then, but it was an assumption of mine that I will progress naturally if i do my job well. Whether I get to the next position or not is not a matter of objective, but a matter of consequence.

Well, i was of course wrong. Corporate life was not necessarily a bed of roses. As they said, sometimes the road to hell are paved with good intentions.

In this recent year, I have come to realize that i am increasingly becoming fixated with going back to the telecom industry that while it is not the end all and be all of the things that i want in life, it is for me a critical milestone in my journey between now and the end states i want to achieve in my life. Hence, for a particular job and position in this domain, it is now a matter of objective and deep desire.

How i have been planning to get there in the last 6 months has been a journey of disappointments and relief. So far, I have managed to stay the course in consulting, and have been able focus on what is needed and expected of me.

I don't know how long still until i am able to make the next step closer to what i want. In fact, the roads are right in front of me, while i wallow in convenient state of indecision.

As always, I am unsure on what road to take, consciously aware that the path i am thinking may not necessarily the only path towards my goal.