Smoking - When You Say You Want to Quit

As far as i can remember, I have been smoking since i was about 14 years old. I probably started too early but whether it is good or bad, i have actually got into that habit gradually.

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It is not that i started smoking packs of cigarettes that early. At that time, it was just experimenting with any cigarette i can steal from Papa's Hope menthol pack or any cigarette that some 'cool' friends would have in school.

But its been 21 years now, and the amount of tobacco i have smoked, excluding the cigars i have smoked in between' would have amounted to a truckload of tobacco by now.

How many times in the past did i ever get into a conversation with friends who tried convincing me that quitting means potentially avoiding a debilitating cancer that can cripple me for life. Wouldn't it be good for your kids? (hell, yeah!)



Or having a conversation that goes like this. "If one day God appear in front of you and say that one more cigarette you smoke would mean you will lose your kids? Would you quit?" And i would always say, "Of course, what kind of father in his right mind would not. But would God really appear in front of me and say that?" (The gall of a smoker can extend to blasphemy, i tell you!)

But then these conversations and the fear of the consequences of long term smoking never really sink in. There is just no will and real determination on my part to take it seriously. But did i ever think for a second that what if i actually get cancer for my years of smoking. What happens now with my life, my family, and my kids?

Of course, I do get scared. But again I have always chosen to forget about it and assured that my genes are far superior than most smokers who get cancer from smoking, taking on from the ages most of my ancestors have reached before they expired. From both sides, my grandparents have died in their late 80s and 90s. My maternal grandmother died at 99. I don't know though whether they smoked or not. :-)

There are days that I think of the consequences of my smoking. And I tell you, these would fleetingly scare me out of my wits but just like as always i have always gone back to the habit of smoking.

I don't consider myself an addict. I don't really feel any palpitation or uneasiness if i don't get to smoke when i want to. I believe i am not, by the number of cigarettes i smoke on a daily basis, which is about 5-7 sticks, i don't think I am.

But i think i am (sorry for the contradictions, maybe the years of smoking have totally fucked up my logic), considering i have not really kicked the habit in the last 21 years (well, i hope i am making sense now!).

I can't remember how many times I have tried quitting and failed.

Now I am back to trying to quit again. I am doing it gradually though, but this time i have cornered myself by putting an expensive stake if i fail again.

This one will cost me a thousand bucks and an I-Phone, courtesy of a good friend and colleague, who is hell bent in saving my wretched life from smoking, for all its worth. Let me see what happens in the next 6 months. If i get to write about it regularly in the next 6 months, I am probably surviving and is seriously internalizing the shame of smoking.

You know what would be easier for all smokers? Just an idea, why doesn't the Singapore Government just ban smoking in the entire Island Republic.