Why do bad things happen...

Sad stories.

I spoke to my good friend yesterday. He told me about the sad news about the condition of his baby boy in the hospital and how the situation has turned for the worse. I could not say a thing. There is not much to say to someone who is already in tremendous grief and for whom you cannot do anything to alleviate his sadness.

I cannot say 'i understand' or 'i know how you feel' as no one will ever know how a father feels nor understand what he is going through, when he stands to lose his infant son, due to a condition not even the best doctors in Singapore can solve.

I can only commiserate in silence. I remember pondering about this question for several years now. Why do bad things happen to good people? I still could not fathom the answer, and maybe i will never be able to.

When my brother was murdered a year ago by people who until now have never been brought to justice, i felt hatred. Hatred for unnamed and faceless criminals who i cannot understand why they do these things. My brother did not deserve his fate. He was a good father and a loyal employee of a bank, who happened to be the target of a bank heist, that left all of the bank's employees brutally butchered.

I asked then, why do bad things happen to good people?

Today I spoke to my mom back home. She is worried about my sister, who has been abused for years by her insane husband. There was again an incident where my sister's asshole for a husband threatened to hit her and abused her verbally. Good thing my elder brother has been watching out for her recently, and can now at least bring some sense to my brother-in-law's insane head that if anything happens to our sister, he will have to pay dearly with his life.

My sister is a good mother and good provider to her three kids. She earns her own and can easily fend for herself and the kids all by herself. She and her kids do not deserve her husband. She is a good person and her kids are a promising intelligent brood that i see a bright future ahead. It brings me deep and terrible pain that they have to go through this in life.

But why do things like these happen to people who don't deserve it?

There is just so much pain and grief.

Why not write about telecom and banking stuff?

A friend once asked me. Why don't you write about telecom and banking stuff in your blog? With the years of experience i have in these domains, the projects and markets i have been exposed to, and clients i have worked with, there is so much to write about. I agree, and may be i can say as much.

For a moment, I wondered why. But i guess the reason is that i don't need and feel like adding to the clutter of intellectual stuff out there already about telecom and banking. I am not out to say any new stuff anyway as I feel i will just be regurgitating similar thoughts that are already being discussed in blogs like technorati, bobstumpel.blogspot, and mashable. For these things I want to be the reader, not the writer. I am not going to learn more by writing more about what i already know.

When I started writing blogs in 2006, using my friendster blog Normandy Chronicles, all i wanted is to write about my thoughts, feelings, and personal experiences, more like as I would in a diary or journal. Then, I extremely missed my collegiate days when i used to write a lot about anything and everything any curious student of my time was probably wondering about. I wanted that peace and freedom to write about these things, when i created my first blog.

I still wanted that freedom now. I don't want to write so as to invite dialogue or a discussion on a telecom or banking innovation or about a new way of engaging customers. I can do that in the course of my consulting profession, but someone needs to pay for my time. I want to write in this blog, because its simply an expression of what i feel, and I don't need anyone to react.

One might say that, why then do you write in a public domain like the web and a blogsite for that matter, where people can and might read it, and hence, react? I have no issue with people reacting. It's not just the intention in the first place. Why don't I write in a private diary or journal? Its convenient for me. It's in the web and if ever I need to share it with somebody, i can do so with ease.

However, there are limitations. I can't write so much about private things which might compromise me or anyone else i might be writing about. I actually can but I may not, because i also don't want to solicit unnecessary reactions or comments and exposed myself to an extent that anyone can use stuff against me.

In sum, I just want to write because I want a medium for a one way personal expression. Nothing else. If you want to know what I know about telecom and banking, email or call me. Maybe we can discuss and I can share with you the things that I know.

When life is at stake

This morning at dawn I got a call from a good friend of mine. I learned that she just gave birth prematurely to her son last Friday and that there were some challenges that her baby has to hurdle to get past the danger zone. She was distressed and asked me to call my best friend, who is her husband, fearing for his welfare having been through sleepless night since Friday getting through this unexpected ordeal.

My wife and I reflected on what is happening and felt sad that it has to happen twice to them. Their first born, who is now 8 years old, was also born premature and had to struggle too when he was a baby, to survive. Now, it has happened again with their second born.

We reflected at our own time with our first born, who was also born premature at almost 7 months. He too had to go through a lot. He spent his first 18 days of his life in an incubator and he had to go through 4 years of tedious therapies just to get him up to speed with his age peers. He is fine now, celebrating his 8th birthday today and adequately coping up with mainstream school here in Singapore.

I can feel the pain of my friend as he recounted the last 3 days on what his wife and baby have been going through in the hospital. Not to mention the costly medical bills that have been racking up since Friday. In essence, what he says is that in spite of the superior medical support here in Singapore and the successful operation of a life threatening clot, his baby's chance of survival depends largely on his (baby son's) will to survive, which for the love of God, has been positive & strong so far.

There is nothing one can do except to say hold on and believe that things will be better. When it is life, especially if it's the life of your own flesh and blood, that is at stake, you have to believe that the tide will turn in your favor.

A few minutes back, I just called another friend, and told him about the ordeal of our friend, who is his first cousin. He too was shocked and had nothing to say. We knew that there is nothing one can do except to commiserate and say a prayer for our friend's son.

When a life is at stake, you can only turn to prayers for solace, and hopefully salvation.

Pay It Forward

Amazing how inspiring this movie is. I have not seen it in a long time. Watching it again in HBO Family seems to reinforce that in this world of desperation and seeming helplessness with what the future holds, there are more important things that you can do to make a difference in your life and in others.

I would want to get hold of the novel of the same title by Catherine Ryan Hyde, from which the movie was based upon. Actually, I just found out that this author actually established a foundation in September 2000 about this idea, and named it the Pay It Forward Foundation (www.payitforwardfoundation.org). Its mission is 'to educate and inspire students to realize that they can change the world, and provide them with opportunities to do so.'

Seriously. Sans the drama of most Hollywood films, Pay It Forward is a movie with a solid moral plot. Pay It Forward is a powerful idea and can be a life philosophy in itself. It may sound condescending or cliche for most people who might think its too inane and trivial, when there are a lot of other things you can do or you should be concerned about in this world... hunger, oppression, racism...

If you agree with this kind of people, you are totally missing the point. Pay It Forward is an idea on a way to live life. It is an option, a method on how you choose to be concerned (and act) with what --- personal issues, other people's issues, or even political issues.

Its fundamental basis is actually founded upon shared beliefs on reciprocity or the 'Golden Rule' across religions and philosophies in existence for over hundreds of years, in many words, texts, and verses. You will see various forms of these in Christianity, Brahmanisn, Baha'i Faith, Buddhism, Confucianism, etc.

The premise of the Pay It Forward idea is that any person can do it, at any time and at any point in their lives. You begin it by doing a favor for another person-- WITHOUT any expectation of being paid back. Probably, the only request that the one giving the favor may ask from the recipient if asked, is to ask that s/he does a favor for someone else in return : ideally for three other people. The unconditional favors may be anything or nothing of magnitude. It can be substantial or insignificant or large or small. As the 12-year-old Trevor says in the film, "It doesn't have to be a big thing. It can just seem that way, depending who you do it for."

Fundamental rules on what it takes to Pay It Forward:

a. When someone does you a big favor, don't pay it back... Pay It Forward
b. Do others a favor instead - and the favor should be ...

#1 It has to be something that really helps people.
#2 Something they can't do by themselves.

c. I do it for them, they do it for three other people.

My take on this...I can Pay Forward my life ahead.